Tag: bdsm

tokatti2:

celtyradfem:

that1guykaiser:

theunitofcaring:

notcisjustwoman:

celtyradfem:

micdotcom:

Watch: A TV host brilliantly shut down his audience for laughing at a male domestic violence survivor 

(While host Jeremy Kyle’s response to this particular incident was a strike against sexism, it’s worth noting he doesn’t have a perfect track record the issue.)

Men laugh at women being hurt all the time so stop with the ‘what is the roles were reversed’ bullshit.  It also doesn’t make sense for him to jump off the balcony if he was stuck in the apartment he could just call for help or wait. He didn’t have to jump off the balcony. He wasn’t in immediate danger. 

Men laugh at women being hurt all the time so stop with the ‘what is the roles were reversed’ bullshit.

one more time

Men laugh at women being hurt all the time so stop with the ‘what is the roles were reversed’ bullshit.

And also? They jerk off to it. It literally gets their dicks hard.

“It also doesn’t make sense for him to jump off the balcony if he was stuck in the apartment he could just call for help or wait. He didn’t have to jump off the balcony. He wasn’t in immediate danger.” <— This is victim blaming.

This is literally the most blatant stomach-turning disgusting example of victim-blaming I’ve seen in a long time. 

You are literally telling an abuse survivor who was seriously injured escaping from his abuser that it’s his own fault for getting injured and that he doesn’t deserve sympathy. You don’t know anything about his situation. You don’t know if he had food or any means to call for help, you don’t know how long he tried to do so, you don’t know if he was afraid she’d return with a weapon. A person was abused so badly they landed in the hospital and you’re making excuses for their abuser and suggested they deserved their injuries. I don’t even have words for how sickening that is.

And, yeah, in fact there are lots of people who would never laugh at a woman being the victim of abuse which landed her in the hospital who did in fact start laughing when this man told his story. There is absolutely a fucking double standard here and you exemplify it, unless you also vomit this derailing self-serving victim-blaming bullshit at female abuse survivors (in which case, well, still fuck you).

Let us also not forget that had a man did this shit he would have been locked up with the key thrown away. Also I want to know where the phrase “men don;t only laugh at it they get off to it” this is called BDSM and not everyone is in to it. You are taking a fetish out of context to further your nonsense. 

For people who act like they give the slightest of shits about all genders whenever a man gets hurt and people belittle him y’all are the first ones to jump to the defense of the people making fun of him. 

Pay attention and read both mine and the person abve me’s resopnse celtyradfem and notcisjustwoman because YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

We weren’t talking about bdsm we meant porn in general.

Men do this shit to women all the time and get off with a slap on the wrist.

There aren’t ‘all genders‘ there are women, men and intersex people.

Also bdsm is sexualised violence and recreates heirarchies. The fetish all about abuse, violence, dominance and ‘discipline’ these are kind of attitudes encourages abuse. It is no surprise the bdsm community has high levels of abuse, rape and violence rates. You would be better off looking at kink/bdsm than hyperfocusing on the rare female offenders. That might help fixing the problem of male violence and make society healthier.

Male violence is the problem not women who point out the inconsistencies of wall punching men’s stories. Though I do like to make problems for misogynists.

Also why do the ‘women do it toooo‘ assholes usually defend bdsm and other forms of violence but lose their shit over the minority of violent female offenders?

BECAUSE BDSM IS ABOUT SAFETY AND CONSENT!
BDSM IS MAKING SURE YOUR PARTNER IS OK WITH WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO THEM!
BDSM IS ABOUT USING SAFE WORDS
BDSM IS ABOUT AFTER CARE
THAT IS TRUE BDSM

Actually research the topic before you spew bullshit!

I have researched the topic. I’ve read all about Marquis de Sade (named after sadism) and how he tortured and raped women and girls and wrote about ‘erotica’ about it. How he ran prostitution rings for rich men using poor women. bdsm is about abuse, hierarchy, sexualised violence and misogyny. Bdsm is not safe, sane or consensual. I have read more than enough to come to that conclusion.

Safe words are often ignored by doms and subs are discouraged from using them. Also you can go into shock or other wise become non verbal. Safe words aren’t safe because subs are in a dangerous situation. 

Aftercare is a euphemism for checking on some one who has been traumatsed or gone into shock. This is done by the dom (abuser) to make sure the sub (abused victim) is alive and doesn’t tell on them. In domestic violence situations it 

No true scotsman fallacy and even some pro bdsm groups admit they have a rape problem.

BDSM FAQ (Frequently Asserted Quibbles): Part 3

exgynocraticgrrl:

Note: This post as well as the links and resources contained in this post may contain graphic descriptions of violence against women.

“What about aftercare?”

The mere fact of aftercare should clue people into the abusiveness of
BDSM when a BDSM encounter leaves someone emotionally distressed,
unable to communicate, or in need of “processing.” Processing is
something one does with a traumatic experience, not a pleasurable sexual
encounter.

Aftercare, in this context, is used as a means of reassuring the
submissive it wasn’t “really” abuse. It is a form of gaslighting — an
attempt to claim that what actually happened (deliberate infliction and
enjoyment of the submissive’s suffering) did not “really” happen. It is
also a common technique practiced by abusers to engage in “rewards” of
affection after abuse, in order to further confuse and maintain a bond
with the victim. It is not a surprise, then, that aftercare involves the
same sort of brainwashing tactics that abusers typically employ.

“It involves a lot of trust”

It is hard to understand why someone would think this is a
justification. Women trust men who hurt them all the time. In fact, one
of the main ways that abusers get access to their victims is precisely
by exploiting a position of power or a position of trust — this is one
of the many reasons why most sexual predators are friends, teachers,
coaches, pastors, or family members. Having someone’s trust is not the
same as being trustworthy.

It should at least be counterintuitive that a dominant — a person who
wants to abuse and enjoys causing the submissive pain and degradation —
could ever care for the person that they want to abuse. But it isn’t
for most people; precisely because the perversion of patriarchalism
teaches women that “love” is about being hurt and abused.

“It’s not like it’s a 24/7 relationship”

Except, of course, when it is… And when one partner is given license
to control and possibly psychologically or physically abuse his partner
(once again, affirmative consent is stunningly absent). If you are
wondering how this is different than a domestic violence relationship,
it isn’t. Domestic violence is about control. The mere fact that the
submissive “agrees” means nothing; women agree to stay with and even
protect their abusers all the time and often feel they deserve the abuse
they receive.

Even in a non-24/7 relationship, the only difference is the duration
of the abuse. And that isn’t terribly different from domestic violence
relationships either. Many abusers are not always abusive or
always controlling. Putting arbitrary limits on the duration and place
of the abuse does not thereby mean that women are no longer being
abused. At best, it demonstrates to women that no matter how successful
they may become in the pubic realm, no matter how “equal” the
relationship appears in other spheres, there is always a realm where she
is nothing more than an object to be used and hurt by a man.

“People do all sorts of risky things because they like it. We
consent to painful things all the time (like tetanus shots). People
like pain because of endorphins.”

This class of objections is a red herring mixed with some false
analogy. The false analogy comes with “other painful things” — with the
exception of tetanus shots, this involves things that we do to ourselves
and that don’t involve a sexual context. In the case of the tetanus
shot, the doctor is presumably poking the needle in your arm as a matter
of medical treatment, not because the doctor enjoys making her patients
suffer.

The fact that someone “enjoys” it is not, in itself, a justification
for making violence permissible. People could easily get their adrenalin
and endorphin rushes through other activities; if they really wanted to
be in pain, there are plenty of ways to self-harm. What differentiates
BDSM is that it does involve, and is used to justify, interpersonal and
sexualized violence.

“You assume that women who like it are brainwashed/broken.
You are saying submissive women do not exist. I’ve always felt this way
since I was a child, therefore it cannot be because of social
influences.”

These objections are predicated on the idea that being submissive or
masochistic is an “authentic” desire for women. The claim to an
existential crisis is an easy way to justify one’s perspective and to
side-step critique.

The problem is, of course, that this relies upon the hubris that we
exist in a social vacuum and are completely unaffected by social
influences (even though socialization and exposure to rape culture
occurs from the day we are born) and the fallacy that becomes something
exists it must therefore be justified. Neither of those assumptions are
true. But in the end, whether it is an “authentic” desire misses the
point; the point, instead, is whether violence against women is
acceptable.

“Women like it and feminism is about CHOICES. You are taking away women’s agency!”

Feminists called themselves “women liberationists,” not “women libertarians.” And, as Meghan Murphy has said, “just because you like it doesn’t make it feminist.”

The fact is that if men did not want to hurt women, it wouldn’t
matter whether women enjoyed subjugation or not; sexualized abuse
requires the participation of a minimum of two people. When people say,
“But what if women like to be hurt? They have a right to do what they
want,” what they are actually saying is, “But men enjoy hurting women!
They have the right to hurt women!” (Doesn’t sound so feminist anymore,
does it?)

This is a clever reversal that obscures the real issue by
“disappearing the male.” The issue never has been about what women
choose but about how men choose to treat women. Even if we were to
effectively outlaw violence tomorrow, it wouldn’t impact women’s agency
at all; they would be free to do the same things that they did before.
It would merely affect men’s ability to engage in violence against
women. Masochistic women couldn’t even claim a harm, since no one is
entitled to demand that anyone else participate in their sexual
practices or desires (whatever they may be). However, and importantly,
feminists do believe that women are entitled to freedom from violence.

“If you don’t like it, don’t do it”

It might be hard for sexual neoliberals to understand, but I actually
care about what happens to people other than myself. But I also have to
live with men who enjoy making women suffer in the most horrendous ways
possible, and with the knowledge that my pain, suffering, and
degradation is something which society condones and glorifies. And in a
society that does not acknowledge or validate women’s humanity, it is no
wonder that women have a hard time seeing themselves as human beings
worthy of respect.

My Challenge to the BDSM and Sex-Positivists

So here’s my challenge to the BDSM advocates (adapted from a comment on a previous blog post):

  1. How would you teach women that they are owed bodily integrity,
    freedom from violence, and mutually pleasurable activities if they are
    also taught that it’s normal for sex to be degrading, painful, and
    non-mutual?
  2. How do you expect to prosecute and prevent domestic violence when
    you promote controlling relationships, sexualized abuse, and
    psychological and physical abuse as part of “healthy” relationships?
  3. How would you teach men to respect women and want to engage in
    mutually pleasurable activities if they are also taught that it is sexy
    to hurt, dominate, and coerce women?
  4. How do you expect to teach men about affirmative consent when BDSM
    practices themselves do not embody affirmative consent — including
    situations where consent is physically impossible?
  5. How would you prevent emotional and social coercion into these practices?

I haven’t heard a satisfactory answer to these concerns, and I don’t
think that there are any, because to really eliminate sexual violence we
need to change the way men treat women. In the sex-positivist vision of
society, nothing changes from the old patriarchal order. Women (and
girls) are still bought and sold like commodities. Women and girls are
groomed into non-mutual, uncomfortable, or painful sex by pornography
and socialization; girls are still told they are mere objects to be used
and hurt by men; men inflict violent, painful, or degrading sex upon
women. The difference is that women are told that these institutions are
acceptable because of “choice.”

But this is not a satisfactory conclusion for any feminist. Because when we say we are working for sexual liberation, we should mean it.

This is the third of a three-part series. Read part one and two here.

C.K. Egbert is a current graduate student in the Philosophy
Department at Northwestern University. Her research focuses on feminism
and equality.

BDSM FAQ (Frequently Asserted Quibbles): Part 3

kinkcritical101:

SAN FRANCISCO / Porn studio says
armory filming has begun / Protesters surround building in Mission where
Kink.com says 3 videos were made

By Steve Rubenstein

Published 4:00 am, Friday, February 9, 2007 

Fifty soggy yet passionate pickets marched Thursday in front of the
old armory on San Francisco’s Mission Street to protest the movies being
shot on the other side of the brick walls.

Carrying signs
reading “Shut it Down” and “Stop Sex-ploitation,” the protesters
demanded that Kink.com, an online pornographer, stop its plans to make
X-rated bondage videos inside the building.

But instead of
backing down, Kink boasted that it already had shot three videos inside
the 93-year-old armory building, featuring porn star Princess Donna, who was “expertly suspended above the drill court … with no complaints from anyone.”

“This is oppressive and inappropriate for our community,” said Sam Ruiz, executive director of Mission Neighborhood Centers. “It’s not OK to promote acts of degradation and violence. We don’t want this kind of stuff here.”

Protesters complained that Kink degrades the neighborhood, demeans
women and offers “dead-end” jobs that no decent person would want.

Kink,
which bought the building in December for $14.5 million and announced
plans to turn the 200,000-square-foot landmark into a pornography
production palace, said it wants to be a good neighbor and that no one
need ever know that adult movies are being shot inside.

Kink has been operating from an unadorned, two-story building on Mission Street, a block east of the remodeled Westfield San Francisco Centre. Few of its neighbors know anything about the whips, handcuffs, ropes, shackles and chains inside. Kink owner Peter Acworth
said any Mission District community leader was cordially invited to
tour that studio and see how decently the company treats its manacled
performers.

None of the protesters Thursday seemed aware that filming at the armory already had begun.

“Is that right?” said Roberto Hernandez,
the artistic director for the annual Carnaval parade. “Maybe we have to
go to court to stop it. This neighborhood is already plagued with
enough violence and prostitution as it is.”

Acworth said he
understood the protesters’ concerns and said his studio was a “closed
shop.” He promised that residents would “have a better idea what’s going
on inside their neighbor’s bedrooms than inside the armory.”

The
company, he said, has already removed graffiti from the armory walls
and is arranging to replace broken windows and install outside lighting.
There is no Kink sign on the building.

As for the filming that
already has taken place, Acworth said in addition to Princess Donna
being suspended above the drill court last week, two other bondage
videos were shot this week in the basement boiler room.

“No neighbor noticed,” Acworth said. “There were no complaints from anyone.”

The
only problem, Acworth said, was that the old building was too cold for
performers during shooting. The company will be investing in more
portable heaters, he said, because it’s important for his hog-tied and
horsewhipped actors to be comfortable.

Kink.com tortures and rapes women and sells the videos. They were also caught with drugs on their premises (you can’t consent to sex under the influence) and had a gun range with guns in their building. Many women who were raped and abused in their operations have come forward with complaints but have not received justice.  Being brutalised and raped on camera isn’t a job it is a human rights violation.

sweetpotatodotcom:

kiwipally:

tehbewilderness:

wombynprivilege:

shadycatz:

femme-recluse:

This video was so uwu that it killed off any critical thinking skills that I have left…plz send help…

This disturbed me so much. Her biggest demographic is teenage girls.

yes she’s literally teaching young vulnerable girls that this is positive and ok to be abused under the guise of consent that will most likely be coerced out of them

What good is a safe word when the first thing you lose when you are in pain is your ability to speak?

If BDSM is all about empowerment, and subs have all the power, why do you need a safe word in the first place?

Did anyone notice the semi-rape joke to start it all off? She literally gives zero fucks about rape victims once we become too inconvenient for her. And by inconvenient I mean invalidate her quirky kinks.

Laci green believes everything is effected by the patriarchy (from street harassment to rape culture) but cannot apply this analysis to BDSM. Bdsm is the only thing in society that gets to exist in a vacuum, and that’s because otherwise she’d have to let go of her sick fetishes. But that would mean putting survivors before her personal sex life, and God knows she’d never do that.

I watched about two minutes of it so far it I keep making disgusted faces. It is weirding me out how she talks directly into the camera when mentioning the bdsm buzzwords. I don’t know what she is trying to do? Does she think it is sexy or is trying to be more convincing? Either way the whole video is creepy.

She mentioned to go to a sex shop for ‘advice‘ so really really means go buy bdsm shit from them. Green is really consumerist and is most likely getting money for promoting sex shops. Why do you need to buy tools to have sex?

She is lying to her audience, male doms do pressure and rape ‘subs’ all the time. Women are more likely to be raped in the bdsm community than in the general population. She ignores that the conditions of bdsm like being restrained and beaten does put people into a compliant and fearful mindset. Which make it easy to rape the ‘sub’.

She said ”for scenes that are especially intense, it is a good idea to check in them a few day later to make sure nothing else came up while they were processing it”. Why would they need a mental health check after sex. That abuse and trauma, that is what ‘aftercare‘ is the equivalent of honeymoon period in domestic violence. When the ‘sub’ has been traumatised and is usually isolated from people who can actually help them that is when the dom tries to convince them everything is ok this is called trauma bonding. Nothing about bdsm is safe, sane and you can’t consent to abuse.

I wish she would stop this she is putting women in danger with these kinds of videos. Green should be more responsible. Bdsm is misogynist and dangerous.

cyberaza:

celtyradfem:

free-pizza-for-life:

We’ve reached peak liberal feminism

You can’t just add the suffix phobia to everything FFS. This is ‘you’re just jealous’ level of immaturity.  Grow the fuck up bitch magazine.

Kinkphobia? What??? A phobia is an irrational fear.

It is entirely rational to fear those
who want to tie others up, choke them, whip them, or continue when
they hear the words “no, stop”. If there is one group of people
whom you could rationally fear, it is sadists. And the BDSM community
has sadism in their acronym.

And if the sadists won’t touch us who
will clearly refuse them, could we still fear them? Yes. They remain
predators, preying on vulnerable people with “submissive”
personalities, and they convince society to tolerate predators like
them. We could fear for society, if not for ourselves.

A society with a heart will shame (and
prosecute) sadists. They will not shame, with words like
“kinkphobia”, those whose good hearts and rational minds dislike
sadists.

Exactly everyone should hate and fear doms and try to keep ‘subs’ away from them.